1 Week to go......

In exactly one week I will be starting my next cycle of IF treatment, this makes it #13, 6 rounds of Clomid, 4 round of injections and 2 IVF's 1 frozen, what a number to be LOL, since I started at my Doctor's that is . This time around it should be easier. I have 5 embryos left from my IVF in March, so they will thaw and put back 2. As I explained in my prior post it will be a longer road to get there 5 weeks, as opposed to get AF then start stims for approx 8-10 days the ret then x-fer. But after 4 1/2 years of waiting what is another 5 weeks right? I really hope this works.. I don't think I have the strength to keep this rollercoaster up. Even though I say I do. I believe it is mostly for show inside I am dying with every neg pg test I had.

I really thought I did last time but I guess it wasn't meant to be, I hope and pray that I am meant to be a mommy I have so much love to give and my heart sinks everytime I look at my husband as he holds our friend's baby I think that I keep failing him since it is me that can't give him a child. But I know it will happen just when is the question???

As for the weight loss ugh this birth control pill is killing me all I want to do is EAT!!!! I am being really good whenever I get the urge to eat something I stick a piece of gum in my mouth it works for a bit, oh and the scale WILL NOT give my 40lbs LOL it keeps flirting with me one day I am at 39.6lbs then 39.8lbs then back up to 39.2lbs damn water weight...arrgh. the other day I almost passed out in 1 day I gained 3.5 lbs I was freaking out!!! Then I remembered I drank like 3 bottles of water after dinner yikes today I am back to 39.8Lbs come on cut me a break!!!! Oh and there are theories about weight loss and PCOS if you loose at minimum 10-15% of your body weight it is supposed to help restore ovulation and your cycles and lessen symptoms, well I am a little over 15% loss and I have noticed small changes like the dark patches under my arms have disappeared, my hairyness is not as bad and at my last scan my ovaries had no where near the amount of cysts they once had. So hopefully as I continue to creep down in lbs I will notice more changes, I haven't got AF on my own yet but I really wasn't given the chance to due to as soon as the m/c was over they stuck me on birth control to prepare me for the transfer.

On a side note I am so very very proud of my husband since starting the Weight loss journey with me he has lost a total of 91 lbs!!!!! Although I am very jealous, I am very proud of him. He still has a few more lbs to go but he is my inspiration....