And then there were 2

So April turned in to a shitty month. I lost my prescious miracle on 04/08/08. I should have been 7wks 2 d but all there was was an empty sac looked more like 4wks a big black hole where there should have been a baby. Growing.... I tried to tell them I was spotting heavy, I called them when I started to bleed, I called them again all they told me was to relax. Well fuck you relax now look I have nothing!!!!
So that means I was going around talking to my empty uterus that had betrayed me. I truly think someone has it out for my dh and me.... What did I do to deserve this???? 4 years of pure hell to get pg. Too many procedures I have endured to have this taken away.
I try to live a decent life. I don't smoke don't drink, eat healthy excercise, maybe I should be a lowlife crackhead they seem to get pregnant no problem....

And then come the I am sorry's. I am so tired of the sorry's... what do you know about sorry, are you sorry I can't get pregnant without help??? are you sorry I can't stay pregnant??? are you sorry just because you were taught that was the right thing to say... I am sorry I ever told anyone....
I apologize if this is harsh but I am owed this. I have been told to move on and think positive I did look where it got me...
I am scared that the 5 remaining embryos I have are defective and that this will happen again. I am scared that I won't get pg the second time and won't have enough embryos and have to do the IVF again. I don't so well under sedation I apparently stop breathing....
I also realize that yes I am lucky to have gotten this far while there are many who don't even get this chance, I also realize that yes I was able to get pg, but it still is not fair why was this chance taken away from me what did I do??? I did everything to the extreme, I only ate the healthiest foods drank only water, rested a lot. did nothing strenuous. My only hope is that when I go this thurs for my follow up I have passed everything.. OH yeah they could have warned me that this was going to this bad. i feel like my uterus has fallen out and i think I may need a blood tranfusion!!! Let's see a first time mom who had a first time miscarriage hmmmm do we warn her????? Thanks I was out shopping when it happened. It's still happening.
I just want to move on from this....