As promised... My Story the last 3 yrs

Warning this will be long... pull up a chair LOL

Where to begin.  Lets try June 2009... I was getting these horrendous pains in my side under my ribs waking up in the morning feeling like a pressure was squeezing my back and chest freaked out thought I was having a heart attack... Nope it was attack of the gallbladder only after 2 months of testing to make sure... It was a combination of the estrogen I was on from the fertility treatments and my loosing the 60lbs so quickly. I became an exercise addict and worked out 7 days a week 2 hours a day.
I wasn't cycling then it was summer and I decided to take it off. by October I was dealing with severe pain I was sent to the ER it was confirmed the gallbladder needed to come out. My surgery was schedule Nov 17th.  Ahhhh sweet relief. pain free.

In December I started with my Infertility clinic again but they wanted me to undergo more testing to figure out why so many miscarriages. So I went in for a endometrial biopsy which OMG was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. The results were normal, of course they would be just like every other test on the planet I had done. So now I had to go through a hysteroscopy... basically where they put a camera in your uterus to look for any abnormalities. Fun times... Well in this test they discovered 3 large polyps (likely caused by the high estrogen doses they gave in the doctors words) Gee thanks. So I had to have a D&C to remove them. This was now January. Once the pathology report came back I was able to have another Frozen transfer. I received the all clear to start end of Feb. Started my meds and prepared for my cycle. Transferred 2 o.k embies in March neg result. I am far better off handling a negative result than a positive one. Schedule another frozen embie transfer #7 (FET from now on) this was done in May/June 2010 I got a positive result June 2nd here we go again, my numbers looked good estrogen/progesterone. I go in for my blood work numbers are doubling 2nd draw numbers still look OK... Third draw numbers went down 4th draw bye bye baby. :(  This was 06/18   I was pregnant for 12 days. I had my follow up consult with my doctor on 06/20/10.

During the consult he basically told me they have no clue what to do for me, and suggested I look at other options as they advised me to pursue adoption, or other ways of family building. So basically I was fired from my doctor. Lovely.... so I did the next best thing I called another clinic to see what they had to say it was just to be a consult. If they agreed with the other clinic then I was done. Or so I thought.

I got an appointment for 07/09/10 wow that was fast,  UCONN made you wait at least 3 painful months for an appointment. Yale 2 weeks.  Yikes 2 weeks to find out if I will be continuing or ending my journey of biologically becoming a mommy.  Yale wanted all my medical records including transfer history and number IVF'S etc. This was going to be more of a pain than I thought. UCONN would be giving me a hard time telling me 30 business days to get records and I need to pick them up in person thanks to HIPPA.  Well they gave me my records but only some of them not all of my cycles were there wonderful.. Luckily I was proactive during my treatment and kept notes.

I met a wonderful Dr. there I will call him Dr. P he told us in reviewing all my blood work and pictures of my embryos and my memory of all my cycles was that UCONN had me stimming on meds way to high and to short of a time and also the wrong kinds of meds. See due to my PCOS my prolactin levels are a bit high and one of the drug combos they used a side effect is that it raises the prolactin levels and that affects egg quality. Plus the fact that the longest I ever stimmed for was 8 days was bad, that is not nearly long enough for mature eggs to develop properly, they need at least 12-14 days.
Dr. P said one thing that stood out to my husband and I. He said with the most matter of fact tone not if we get pregnant but when. I was like ya ok been there done that... So after more genetic testing and karyotyping all results were normal. After another consult my protocol was layed out we would do PGD testing but in a different way instead of 9 chromosomes we would test all 23 and ours to see if/who had issues. I was shocked since UCONN only offered 9 chromosome testing. But it doesn't come cheap my insurance refused to cover it (even though they did in past) so it would come out just over 7,000.00 to perform this test. But considering my history it was something to think about.

Here is where my story gets difficult: I was all set to so this, my heart was in it I WANTED THIS. My husband not so much. He didn't want to see me go through the pain anymore. I reminded him that I was going to stop only if they couldn't help me. They offered me a hope a chance I had to take it. We fought and fought. I thought I lost until he told me he would do this for me. But this was it no more. I told him that is all I had in me was one more just one. So we set my cycle up. I started on my lupron injections (something I didn't do before) got my period started my follistim at a much lower dose than I had ever been on before. I stimmed for 14 days!!!!! Low and slow that is what the nurses had said to me that is how Dr. P liked the cycles to go. My retrieval was scheduled for 10/19/10.

I arrived at the clinic for 8:00. Was taken back to the surgical suite, BP taken IV started and My husband was with me the entire time so much different than my past experiences. I also would not have to be knocked out. You see Yale does sedated awake retrievals they believe excess anesthesia could harm the eggs breaking them down on a cellular level. Huh who knew.. I am not going to lie it hurt a bit o.k it hurt alot . But in the end I would do it this was all over again. barely any recovery time after.  They were able to get 15 eggs from me 11 fertilized and 11 were tested. The samples were sent to CA for the testing. 3 agonizing days later I got the call a day 5 transfer was planned. I did not know how many were normal. I showed up for my transfer on 10/24/10 was led back to the room which was the same room they did the retrieval in. My husband asked the nurse where they would like him to sit in the lobby. They said what do you mean you are coming to the room with your wife!!! UCONN would never allow that  Never!!! They treated it like a surgery every one was wearing surgical masks and gowns. So there we both sat not in gowns no masks just the 2 of us husband even with coffee in hand LOL. In comes Dr. M, Dr. P was at a conference bummer, with our results. So here they were out of 11 tested 1 was 99% normal, the other one came back 84% chance of being normal with a 16% chance for downs syndrome, they were going to retest as they did not have enough material to test, that was what were told. I am not going to Lie I was disappointed in only being able to transfer the one and that we knew the sex I really wanted it to be a surprise. But there it was XX a girl I was trilled, to have the normal embryo. So they performed the transfer it went beautifully. It was peaceful. After it was done they opened the blinds to the outside and there was a beautiful view of Long Island Sound. They didn't wheel me out to a recovery room and hang me upside down like a bat they simply said wait here for 5 min then you can get dressed and go. The nurses hung out with us and talked it was wonderful.

My pregnancy test was in 9 days... the anxiety kicked in, long 9 days... So 11/02 test day is here!!! I have had no symptoms of pregnancy I have convinced myself I am not pregnant. I go for my blood work and took the rest of the day off from work, didn't want to cry there when the news came in. So at around 1 p.m my cell phone rings.. I freak out, I answer it it was them Yale with my results. I couldn't tell by the nurses voice how to read her at the last place the nurses you could always tell by their voices. And then it happened here were the words I have heard so many times in the past 4 years "congratulations you are pregnant!!!" I said no way can't be I have 0 zip 0 symptoms. My boobs didn't even hurt. She laughed at  me and said be glad because they will in a few weeks it is still early. LOL... I hung up the phone in shock and called my husband and said our 1 little eggie did it she did it!!!! I am not going to lie I was scared very scared as the time approached my 2nd blood test I freaked out. When they called to tell me everything looked ok I asked why they don't give out the numbers meaning the hcg progesterone and estrogen like the last place did?, they said why would they unless you are a trained doctor and know the exact meaning of them then they really don't mean anything and are just numbers. I accepted that. every blood work after that came out perfect they said. I started feeling the symptoms now all day nausea being overly emotional very tired etc. I was now scheduled to come in for an Ultrasound my numbers had risen enough where they can see the sac and maybe a baby!!

Nov 16th my u/s day. scared shaking I sit on the table and there it is on the screen a tiny sac and a tiny baby 6mm the size of a grain of rice with a tiny beating heart. I was 6wks 2 days pregnant with a miracle. We all cried... I even think Dr. P did LOL I was amazed in awe and in shock. Here is this beautiful creation with her heart beating. I was scheduled for another u/s the following week I would have them weekly to check on growth. There I was 7wks 3 days and she had grown so much in 1 week and was actually moving around! Here heart rate was perfect 135 beats per min. I was told to come back in 2 weeks. Little did I know in those 2 weeks my joy and faith would be questioned yet again.

On Dec 3rd I woke up at 2 am with a very wet feeling, tmi sorry  like I peed my pants. I went to the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I was hemorrhaging blood and a large amount of blood clots this is bad very bad. I started screaming and crying waking my husband and telling him we need to go to the emergency room I was 8wks and loosing my baby. He calmed me down and told me to call the Dr at Yale I did they said keep calm and come in after 9 am as long as there is no tissue or cramping I can wait I laid in bed sobbing the rest of the night running to the bathroom every 5 min as I was soaking through a super pad every 45hr. I was so mad and upset embarrassed at the situation. Daylight came the bleeding somewhat stopped altogether. I got dressed and we left. We get to Yale I am in tears telling the receptionist what happened. We wait forever it seemed... it was 10 min, I got undressed waited for the Dr. She came in and said lets take a look, as soon as I laid back the blood started pouring again, so bad I could hear it hit the floor. She looked scared as she cleaned me up. I didn't know what to expect I thought I would look at the screen and see another empty sac and no baby.  But there she was my baby moving around like nothing is happening,. heart beating away. There was so much blood in my uterus she had a hard time taking the measurement she needed so she said she had to call it a threatened miscarriage. Great... I had to come back on Monday to check to see the outcome. Let me tell you it was a long weekend.

Monday is here I have stopped bleeding red just brown, get to my appointment no more blood in my uterus just a huge clot. A threatening clot, threatening to dislodge and take my baby with it. But she my baby was still there. I was released to my ob the following week after another u/s showed the clot shrinking some more but I was put on bed rest for 9 weeks. That was 9 long weeks.  I have a fighter, a baby that wants me for her mommy. My fighter.

The rest of my pregnancy was uneventful no real morning sickness, nothing to bad craving wise,  This little girl loves her fruit!!! She still does.

I delivered her by c-section on July 8th 2011. Besides my wedding day it was the most wonderful day of my life!!! 7lbs 2 ozs of perfection :)

Little did I know my happiness would be short lived. On august 3rd 2011, I lost my mother she passed away at home alone unexpectedly. I got a call from her dialysis clinic that she never showed up for her appointment that day. We called the police as I was not cleared to drive yet and lived 45 min away. My worst fears were confirmed they found her , she was gone. I last spoke to her on July 31st and that conversation will be forever burned in my memory along with the birth of my daughter.

It has been a year and I am slowly healing from the loss of my Mom. 
But as with all journeys some continue on as we are ready to start another round to give our daughter a chance at a brother or sister. So my Hopeful journey has begun again.

So there is my story ...
Thank you for sticking around!